Numb to This

August 1, 2022
After a 2015 shooting rocks an Oregon community college, one survivor grapples with PTSD. When the mass shooter murders people at her college, author/illustrator Neely never even sees him. Hiding, she experiences the attack as a mix of terror, confusion, misinformation, bravery, and a horrific kind of boredom. Post-attack, she swings between despair and constant panic triggered by journalists, her fellow students, and even her friends. She doesn't tell her loved ones about her suicide attempt, and, determined to move on, she goes to art school in Savannah, Georgia. But how can Kindra heal? Her phone is constantly lit with alerts: the massacres at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, the Las Vegas music festival, Parkland, and the Thousand Oaks bar shooting, whose victims included a survivor of the Las Vegas incident just a year before. For Neely the past three years seem like a constant flow of utterly pointless thoughts and prayers. She finds no closure at the March for Our Lives, but she works up the courage to seek counseling through student services only to find there are no available therapists. But in writing this very graphic novel, she at last finds some catharsis. An author's note discusses her recovery from suicidal depression with unsentimental, pragmatic hope. Pale, freckled, redheaded Neely's charming illustrations featuring soothing pastels with occasional pops of bright color help balance the heaviness of the subject matter. This exploration of a gun-violence survivor's raw pain amid ever repeating disasters will resonate with far too many. (resources) (Graphic memoir. 13-18)

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Starred review from August 8, 2022
After surviving a mass shooting on her Umpqua Community College campus in 2015, teenage Neely grapples with suicidal ideation and various other long-lasting effects on her mental health, as detailed in this harrowing graphic novel memoir, a debut. Following the incident, Neely experiences panic attacks and PTSD, for which she attempts to seek counseling through school services, but there are no therapists available. She laments living in a country where gun violence persists at an alarming frequency; “This is everywhere,” she says upon receiving news notifications reporting further gun
violence, such as the Pulse nightclub shooting in 2016. Though the attack is never explicitly depicted on the page (the closest it gets is a single panel of a gun firing at the start of the event), the entire sequence, rendered in striking, vibrant color, tangibly captures bystanders’ fear and confusion; comparatively, a heart-wrenching scene in which Neely attempts to take her own life is portrayed in muted gray tones. Via realistic dialogue, tense relationship dynamics, and turbulent emotional highs and lows, Neely astutely asserts the importance of hopeful defiance in the face of the numbness and resignation that often accompanies feelings of powerlessness. Back matter includes resources for suicide prevention and anti-gun organizations. Ages 12–up.

December 9, 2022

Gr 7 Up-As the title suggests, this graphic memoir deals with difficult subject matter, and Neely shares in a style that reflects her experiences and emotional path, communicated through pacing as well as visuals and spatial positioning. The result is an homage to community and connection, and a journey of healing, comforting for its relevant subject and authenticity. This graphic memoir presents a critical and defining moment in Neely's life. In reporting on her life during and after the shooting at Umpqua Community College, Neely brings readers in as observers to her anguish as she navigates the trauma and grief inside and around her. In spotlighting gun violence and living with trauma, the memoirist presents readers with an opportunity to consider two critically important issues that are both intensely personal and of social importance. Neely is not alone in her struggles, but intense suffering can bring with it a vast separateness. While the subject matter may cause discomfort for some readers, by joining Neely on her journey, teens share both in the emotional weight of personhood and in a celebration of hope, community, and interconnectedness. VERDICT Neely reminds readers that the more we listen, read, and share, the more connected we become, and the stronger we are as a society. Recommended.-Faithe Ruiz

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